Irresistible to Prodigals, Nomads and Exiles

A Church Irresistible to Prodigals, Nomads and Exiles

What makes a church irresistible? It is not an additive or injection. There is no technology or technique that guarantees to make a parish more appealing to anyone. Attraction grows from the inside out. It starts with what makes us attractive to God - our care for God's people, our participation in advancing God's reign and sharing the Good News of Jesus.

A parish can discover much about what makes it irresistible from those seeking to join the church. Another equally important source for learning about what makes a parish more or less attractive is from listening to those who are leaving. Over 71% of those who will leave the church today, will do so before reaching 30 years of age. What would we learn if we listened to them?

Leaving a church is less of a conscious choice than entering one. Those who leave have later described it as having just gotten too busy and drifted away. How do they leave, and why? David Kinnaman recently wrote about them in You Lost Me: Why Young Christians are Leaving the Church and Rethinking Faith (Baker Books, 2011). Ironically, Kinnaman concludes that familiar labels from the Bible describe those slipping out the back door of our churches quite well. Most of those who have left church resemble spiritual - Exiles, Nomads, and Prodigals.

Prodigals - Much like the infamous character from Luke’s Gospel, modern-day Prodigals have checked out. For them it was a conscious decision. Some are head-driven while others are heart-driven in their motivation. Head-driven drop-outs point to irreconcilable differences (e.g. absolute claims to the truth or denominational snipping) for their reason to leave. On the other hand, heart-driven drop-outs are emotionally wounded people who report being excluded or having their trust betrayed in some way by a church member or a leader. Prodigals explore eclectic alternatives for securing meaning, purpose, and hope in life. Whether head-driven or heart-driven, both groups report that their denunciation is leveled against churches, and not at God. Prodigals retain respect and even fascination for Jesus. Their disappointment seems reserved for those who profess to belong to Christ but who lack the proof of a changed, charitable life.

There is no program that can be implemented to bring Prodigals back. It may be enough to befriend and be patient with them. If there is a way to their heart, it is through the corporal works of mercy. With permission, we might listen and ponder the deeper questions of life with Prodigals. Of course, listening is a disciplined exercise that avoids presenting quick answers and instead allows time for the big questions to reverberate in our lives and invite us to spiritual growth. Catholics can share the confidence, recently expressed by Cardinal Dolan of New York, that all people, even those who boast of their freedom from religion, have an innate longing for God.

Nomads – These wanderers still self identify as Christian, even though they are unlikely to attend church. Their departure will feel less like an evacuation and more like a slow fade. Nomads consider faith an optional part of their lives. Some have put faith on the shelf, until it proves to be more useful - perhaps not until much later in life. Being irresistible to nomads is difficult but doable. Churches that concentrate on making faith practical will be useful to spiritual nomads.

Churches get great responses when they host conversations about the spiritual significance of the issues of the day. These gatherings are attractive to Nomads when they are held in neutral settings (off church property). Consider gathering parents for mutual support.   Parents need support in talking about their challenges. Such conversations present an opening to discuss the unconditional love of God and the assurance of God's grace.

Resist quoting doctrines or scriptures to Nomads. They need to explore their own doubts and formulate a personal faith credo of their own. Instead ask questions: “What would that look like in practice?”, “Does that affect your relationship with God?”, “Would that be a good policy for everyone?” Such questions are really open-ended invitations to keep talking (and thinking) about the spiritual dimension of life. Help people find balance in the midst of unrealistic expectations and unfair demands in life.

Show nomads that service and sacrifice can be rewarding and even fun. How? Start a Wetopia league online. Wetopia is the utopian version of Farmville, the popular Facebook game that is still played by millions. But on this farm, the credits and points that players accumulate get converted into real crops and animals for farmers in developing countries as one might do through the Heifer Project. Convene Nomads to join an investment club that blends learning sound investment principles and tithe a share for economic development strategies abroad. Catholic Relief Services and Kiva are highly respected organizations that can show you how. Organize “reverse” service-learning experiences for interested Nomads. Most often the teams that go expecting to do service, discover that they are also being served. These experiences produce great faith conversations.

Exiles – Exiles may represent the majority of those who are infrequent attendees on Sunday. Exiles want to be both faithful and engaged in the world. Religion fails to speak with relevance to the Monday to Saturday realities, careers and choices of their lives. Like Daniel in Babylon, these Exiles feel caught between two worlds that are vying for their attention and loyalty. Exiles enjoy the broader world in which they enjoy unprecedented activity and access. They struggle to apply the traditions learned in childhood in a complex and challenging culture without acquiescing to secularism.

Exiles are willing and eager to be part of churches that can make faith user-friendly and relevant. Churches are publishing resources online that address the practical questions at the intersection of faith and life.   Popular life issues include finding meaningful work, parenting well, dealing with conflict in relationships, coping with stress, making financial decisions, ways to pray, tips for healthy life, and facing the death of loved ones, etc. Theology on Tap is one program that has been adapted successfully for this purpose across the country. Some churches have experimented with offering free spiritual direction and have been surprised at the extremely positive response. There are even some reports of increased vocations as a result of this commitment to help those who are discerning their life's purpose.

Once Exiles are leaning back toward church it is important to find ways for them to use their talents in meaningful ways. Many Exiles hunger to do something significant or even heroic. Few people report having a conversation with anyone at church about career or vocational decisions. Exiles can make extraordinary volunteers at youth programs. Host a junior-senior dance where senior citizens teach juniors in college how to really dance. Let the college juniors return the favor by teaching senior citizens how to set up a Facebook page or connect with distant family members using Skype. Any way to engage Exiles can pay dividends for them and for the church.

What if churches reversed the 5 to 1 principle which is the convention for most youth programs? Many parish youth programs require one adult for every five youth to insure adequate supervision and safety. But what if a parish assigned five adults to every young person instead? This approach to ministry with young people is getting strong confirmation by recent research which reports that five meaningful adult relationships makes the experience of church far stickier for young people.   The style of these intentional friendships can range from participating in inter-generational faith formation events together to an occasional visit to the donut shop after church or from attendance at important events (birthday, graduation or concert) to friending one another on Facebook.

These are just some ways that parishes have become more appealing to people that they want to attract. The good news is that the Catholic church continues to excel in attracting people who are looking for more. For more ideas, visit www.EvangelizeBuffalo.org, consider adapting ideas from the folks at Fuller Youth Institute www.stickyfaith.org, or contact Dennis Mahaney, Office of Parish Life, 716-847-8393.

Web and Print Resources

www.bustedhalo.com
Brennan, Patrick J. The Mission Driven Parish. Maryknoll, NY: Orbis Books, 2007.
Cordeiro, Wayne, The Irresistible Church: 12 Traits of a Church Heaven Applauds. Bloomington, IL: Bethany House Publ.
Kinnaman, David. You Lost Me: Why Young Christians are Leaving Church... and Rethinking Faith. Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books, 2011.
Osborne, Larry Sticky Church Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan Books, 2008.
Powell, Dr. Kara E. and Clark, Dr. Chap. Sticky Faith: Everyday Ideas to Build Lasting Faith in Your Kids. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan Books, 2011.
Winseman, Albert L. Growing an Engaged Church: How to Stop "Doing Church" and Start BEING the Church Again. New York: Gallup Press, 2006.